I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
