That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So many bounce houses so little time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
