Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
