we're blogging at a bar
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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