i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
