from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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