I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have already put on my inside pants.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
