I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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