If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
sex in a hospital.. check
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
