I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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