That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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