I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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