They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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