i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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