Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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