Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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