you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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