hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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