i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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