Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
