This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
