If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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