first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
