This is not my ceiling
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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