if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
