i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
