are you still at the devil's house?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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