She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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