you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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