That's when you crack a 10am beer
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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