At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
