I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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