did you get engaged???
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
