in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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