Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
