I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
