I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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