Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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