the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
