Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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