Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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