My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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