I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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