Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found a bag of teeth...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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