Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
