2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
