I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
