i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
