Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
