...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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