I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
