I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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