Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
