If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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