So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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