Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
