Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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