so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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