he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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