I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
