why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Life is so much better after having sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
