im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
