he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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