i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
