He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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