this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
