Can i not drive my cunt home
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
