I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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