Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
