Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
