Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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