Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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