I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
