Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
