Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
