you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
