I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
